Thinking about human connection and meaning, and realizing that I just need to stop using system-based thinking for any sort of human interaction. Unless you want too turn yourself into a neurotic autist that is not the way to do tihngs. Human connection exists on a much more meaningful plane thatn systems-based thinking can account for. It is the difference between the neat, ordered pixels of a digital camera and the spontaneous chemical reaction of a film negative. There is a reason the latter feels more real than the other.
I'm better today that's what's up. Need to do some more creative stuff while I'm still in uni. Sometihng healthy to take my mind off school and socializing.
I am sick. I feell ike all of the energy has been draine from my body. On the bright side, I'm eating the best tomato soup I've ever tasted.
I was watching ukraine war footage recently, and have seen numerous shots of men being nonchalantly obliterated by grenade-dropping drones. It really struck me as inhuman and disgusing in a way that normal combat is not. Unmanned aerial combat is ignoble. A 400lb mulatto in Nevada can kill a Taliban fighter who has hardened his battle skills every day since age 12. Disgusting. How do I square this disgust with my autisitc love of fighter aircraft? The fighter jet requires action. It places the pilot under extreme physical stress, unlike anything else a human can experience. Mishima understands this, and erotically describes the experience of flying in an F-105 Starfighter in the epilogue of Sun and Steel. The fighter pilot is the modern-day chariot-warrior, a demigod who takes part in the action and puts his life on the line. He is *there* in a way the drone operator is not, there is skin in the game. Instead of being a cowardly subhuman like the drone operator, he is a superman, reigning death upon his enemies while still being mortal, not impervious to harm. He is Achilles. War is gonna get a lot gayer as the supermen are phased out by the chairbound amerimutts.
I just saw a thing online about Millennials getting fucked up seeing themselves in the tiktok "young" filter. They are being forced to come to terms with their aging. They will not be the cool and hip kids forever. No matter how many barcades they frequent, they are showing the external signs of aging, signs that they should have grown up by now. I pray every day I do not beocme this way. This whole phenomenon reminds me of one of the better things Doctor Ted has written; it captures this phenomenon perfectly.
74. We suggest that modern man’s obsession with longevity, and with maintaining physical vigor and sexual attractiveness to an advanced age, is a symptom of unfulfillment resulting from deprivation with respect to the power process. The “mid-life crisis” also is such a symptom. So is the lack of interest in having children that is fairly common in modern society but almost unheard-of in primitive societies. 75. In primitive societies life is a succession of stages. The needs and purposes of one stage having been fulfilled, there is no particular reluctance about passing on to the next stage. A young man goes through the power process by becoming a hunter, hunting not for sport or for fulfillment but to get meat that is necessary for food. (In young women the process is more complex, with greater emphasis on social power; we won’t discuss that here.) This phase having been successfully passed through, the young man has no reluctance about settling down to the responsibilities of raising a family. (In contrast, some modern people indefinitely postpone having children because they are too busy seeking some kind of “fulfillment.” We suggest that the fulfillment they need is adequate experience of the power process -- with real goals instead of the artificial goals of Page 11 surrogate activities.) Again, having successfully raised his children, going through the power process by providing them with the physical necessities, the primitive man feels that his work is done and he is prepared to accept old age (if he survives that long) and death. any modern people, on the other hand, are disturbed by the prospect of physical deterioration and death, as is shown by the amount of effort they expend trying to maintain their physical condition, appearance and health. We argue that this is due to unfulfillment resulting from the fact that they have never put their physical powers to any practical use, have never gone through the power process using their bodies in a serious way. It is not the primitive man, who has used his body daily for practical purposes, who fears the deterioration of age, but the modern man, who has never had a practical use for his body beyond walking from his car to his house. It is the man whose need for the power process has been satisfied during his life who is best prepared to accept the end of that life.
Still working on this site atm. I am sick the day before I go on vacation. My life is over. I am going to kill myself. Gonna chill and take it ez it is what it is toobz